Bottle or Paddle Battle

He's been watching my condition deteriorate for the past couple of years. Even though I work out vigorously and lead a fairly normal and healthy lifestyle, he all too often notices those times when I am in pain, and he's not fooled by my attempts to try to hide it from him, or shrug it off as though it's nothing. I'll get up from a seated position and my face will contort in a painful wince, and for about 30 seconds, I'll begin to walk as though I were an 80-year-old woman with my back hunched over and my knees locked together until I can straighten up. These are the times when I have neglected to take my medication prescribed by my rheumatologist to alleviate pain and increase range of motion.

The most profound side affect of my medication is drowsiness, but if I take them before bed, I am relatively pain free for most of the following day. That's if I remember. I admit I have a habit of forgetting them, or procrastinating until it's too late (like at 4:00 am). BabyMan has done his best to remind me and encourage me to take my meds more seriously and diligently... to no avail. I am foolishly hopeless and hopelessly foolish as I never seem to put my medication high on my list of priorities.

This evening was the last straw. BabyMan had reached the end of his patience. We both knew the bottle was almost empty, and I had put off refilling my prescription as I had been down to my very last pill for a while. That little capsule has been bouncing around inside of that big red bottle like a bebe in a box car for days as I have been putting off my errand... not out of wilful disobedience, or a lack of desire to feel better, but simply out of forgetfulness, misplacing the bottle, and general inconvenience when I did remember. I had been substituting the pill with the over the counter Aleve for days, and it was obviously not doing it's job... because BabyMan was noticing the stiffness in my walk and the pain on my face.

So this evening we both sat in the den watching television, he sprawled out on the couch, and me at the computer. It had gotten dark and I was fighting to stay awake to watch the end of Law and Order. BabyMan notice me nodding in and out, and asked "Did you take your pill tonight?"

"Uh... no, not yet."

"Go take it now."

"Okay... when this is over."

"No. Go take it right now. You'll forget and crawl into bed when this is over."

I sighed and looked around the room as I tried to remember where I had left it, and indeed, when I even last had it.

"Do you even know where it is?"

"Um..." I was sleepy. We had eaten a couple hours earlier, and I wanted to lay down more than anything.

"Well?"

"I don't know where it is, but I think it's empty anyway." I knew there was one left in there, but I didn't want to go searching for it.

"You think?"

"Yeah, it's empty," I said with a more definite resolve.

"Go find the bottle."

"What for? It's empty." The lie was sounding more believable even to myself.

"Bring the bottle to me."

Damn! he wasn't going to let this go. I could tell another lie to cover my last lie by telling him that I threw it away... and for a split second I considered it just to get out of this. But I knew better. I rose from the computer chair, winced at the pain in my hips, and slowly dragged my feet out of the room to my bedroom dresser to look for the bottle. It wasn't there, and now I was irritated that he was sending me on a wild goose chase when all I wanted to do was sleep. I marched back in the den and sat back down defiantly. "Screw it, I can't find it, I'll find it tomorrow." I announced.

"You can't find the bottle... then go get the paddle," he said as he sat up and placed a pillow on the floor between his legs, a position I was all too familiar with.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me!"

"The bottle or the paddle. What's it gonna be?"

I decided it sure as hell wasn't going to be the paddle. I stood up and went into the front room to look for the bottle. The kitchen, the living room, the dining room table... It was nowhere.

When I returned to the den, I whined like a tired 3-year-old. "I can't find it!"

"Then get the paddle," he said again. He was beginning to sound like a broken record.

No way! I went to the bathroom, and then to the bathroom in the master bedroom. It had to be here somewhere. Dammit, why can't I remember?

There was clearly no way out of this. I decided to simply get this over with as it was the only way I was ever going to get any sleep. I went to the bedroom and grabbed the paddle from the hook on the wall, went back to the den and roughly shoved it at him. Tears of exhaustion and humiliation gathered at the corners of my eyes as I knelt on the pillow between his feet. He lifted my chin with his finger and told me to lower my sweat pants.

"You need to take your medication more seriously," he said quietly. "You need to know where it is at all times and you need to take it consistently."

I suppressed the need to yawn and I nodded my head.

"You've been in pain way too often, and when I tell you to take your medication, you don't do it and lie to me about it."

"I don't lie," I lied.

"Really? Did you take it last night when I reminded you?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"You think so? Either you did or you didn't."

"I... I couldn't find it last night."

"So that was a lie."

I didn't answer. he guided me over his left knee and I grabbed the throw pillow and buried my face.

"We're going to refill that prescription tomorrow, and you're going to keep it in one place so that you can always find it. Understand?"

"Yes."

He started spanking me with the paddle, softly at first, and then it got harder as he continues to talk. "And when I tell you to take your pill, you're going to take it immediately, and not put it off until you're too tired and you forget."

My bottom was beginning to sting and I sobbed quietly as I fought to remain still.

"Now, where are you going to keep your bottle from now on?"

I lifted my face out of the pillow and shrugged my shoulders.

"Pick a place. Now." WHAP!

"Ow! Um... okay... the copper platter on the kitchen counter."

"Good place. I'll keep my meds there too, so we'll both remember. We'll support each other, okay?"

"Okay," I said as I put my face back in the pillow and cried some more as he finished off the spanking with some well placed strikes to my sit spot.

When he was done, he lifted me up, handed me the paddle, and I staggered off top the bedroom where I replaced it on the wall and collapsed on the bed falling asleep without undressing. 

I never could win these little battles of the wills.  But for some reason, I keep trying every once in a while.