Friday, April 23, 2010

Procrastinator's Creed

The "task" situation is getting a little in the way of my bliss. Not the fact that I have tasks to complete, but the fact that I am too often screwing it up in this area. What is my problem, anyway? BabyMan gives me something important to do, and all I have to do is get it done by the time he gets home. How difficult is that? I'm a hopeless procrastinator and time never seems to be on my side.  I wind up hurrying to get things done at the very last minute, and nine times out of ten I make it just under the wire.

But that tenth time...

So BabyMan decided one morning that the refrigerator is housing some pretty interesting science projects, and it needed to be detailed like a car. He meets me in the kitchen, leather paddle in hand, to discuss my all important task for the day. He points out the grime in the cracks and crevases, the expiration dates on bottles and jars, the leftovers that are growing hair...

All I can do is stare at that paddle. "Why are you wagging that thing around?" I ask rather irritated because... I HATE cleaning the refrigerator.

"Because you tend to listen better when I have it with me."

"So you think you have to threaten me for me to obey you?"

BabyMan just smiled. "I don't want there to be any misunderstanding, that's all." He waved the paddle at the open fridge. "By the time I get home, am I clear?"

"Crystal," I say caustically.

He kissed and fondled me before he grabbed his briefcase and walked out the door.

Now, I have every intention of having this done in time. It's a big job, so I figured I'll get half of it done early before I get dressed and go to the gym, and the other half in the afternoon.

My workout this day was a bit intense, I'd been trying out some changes in my routine in order to get over a plateau that I had experienced for a couple of weeks. On the way home I stopped off at the store to pick up ingredients for dinner and my lunch.

When I got to my front door with my groceries and gym bag, I noticed that I didn't have my keys with me. But they were right... I could have sworn... Oh no!  I ran back to the car and there, in the ignition were those damned keys, and on the passenger seat was my cell phone. And the door... was... locked!  I think I stared at those keys for a full ten minutes with my nose pressed against the glass like a hungry puppy staring at a steak.

Now, it's cold in April where we live, and mind you, I'm still in a sweaty tee shirt and shorts, and I'm freezing. Most of my neighbors are at work this time of day, and I can't get in my home, or in my car. I haven't made this mistake in 15 years. I'm stranded, feeling foolish, exhausted and frustrated.

Now, to make a long story short, I did finally flag down a neighbor and used his cell to call BabyMan who works in an office about 25 miles away. Now, BabyMan's a man of good humor, and he thought the whole thing was pretty funny, and was happy to leave work to come all the way home and open my car and let me in the house. But by the time I settled in, warmed up and had something to eat, I was overtaken by fatigue. Between my workout and standing in the cold in wet, sweaty clothes, all I wanted at that point was to lie down just for a few minutes so I could get my second wind...

I awoke at... 4:45! I was only supposed to sleep for a few minutes! What the hell happened? I jump out of bed and dash to the kitchen. Not only had I not finished the refrigerator, but the rest of the kitchen is still a mess from breakfast and lunch, and a few remnants from last night's dinner. I can't let BabyMan walk in with it looking like this. I zoomed around in a magical sped-up motion the way Samantha on Bewitched used to when she wanted to get something done before Darrin walked in. I loaded the dishwasher, scrubbed a pot, washed the wine glasses and polished the marble countertop in record speed. Then I  removed what seemed like a thousand bottles from the refrigerator door and began to dismantle the shelves when I heard the key in the door. I look at the clock. 4:58!

"You're early!" I yelled nervously. He habitually walks in that door every evening at 5:00 on the nose. Dammit, I want my 2 minutes.

BabyMan spots the mess of bottles on the island in the kitchen. "What happened?" he asks with a disturbing wrinkle in his forehead.

"I don't know. I fell asleep." It sounds like a really lame excuse, especially from someone who only had one thing she was expected to accomplish for the day. "My workout was really hard, and... I didn't have enough for breakfast... and.... I... I was really cold when I got locked out, and..."  I was sounding whiney and pathetic.

He said nothing, walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead, then left to change clothes. When he comes out, he has the paddle in his hand, places it on the arm of the couch, sits down and turns on the television. "Why don't you finish cleaning the fridge, make dinner, and we'll take care of this after American Idol."

He seemed so calm, so relaxed. I almost miss the days when he'd raise his voice when he was angry. But I'm not sure he's even angry. I think he's just rationally resigned himself to the fact that we now have a way to handle my procrastination problem, and there's no reason or need for drama.

I took my time on the last of the refrigerator, made him a really nice chicken dish with vegetables and rice, and poured him a glass of wine. American Idol was a 2-hour special that night, and when it was half way through he turned to me and said, "I want you to get the bath brush and meet me in the den wearing only your panties."

The bath brush? The BATH BRUSH? I was a little confused and a lot scared. Usually for an unfinished task, I am expected to bend over the bed, lower my jeans and take about 12 to 15 whacks with the paddle. The bath brush? The den? Panties only? What was going on? Maybe he was really angry.

I had to think fast. "The show isn't over yet.  Don't you want to see who get's eliminated?"

"Not necessary.  I'm recording it."

"You know," I touched him sensually on the thigh,  "you don't have to spank me. There's no rule that says you have to."  I was grasping at straws now.

BabyMan smiled almost sadly. "Maybe not in your world," he said. "The problem is that we could have spent a really nice evening together.  I was really looking forward to hanging out with my wife tonight.  All you had to do was one thing, and you decided you didn't respect me enough to put in the effort."

"No! that's not true! I..."  I was so hurt. I never wanted him to think that I didn't care.  I had to defend myself.

"This is not up for discussion," he said before I could formulate my argument in my head. "Go get ready."

God, I hate it when he says that.

In the den he sat on the couch and put a couple of pillows between his feet, opening his legs wide to fit my body between his knees. "kneel here," he said. I obeyed but couldn't look at him. He lifted my chin with the paddle. "I'm wondering if maybe you enjoy being in this position."

I felt the tears well up in my eyes. "No," I said quietly. "I hate it."

"Apparently you don't hate it enough. Sugar, all your spankings should be sexual, erotic.  Fun. This is supposed to be our time together.  Now I've got to spend my evening punishing you because you don't respect me."

As I lay across his lap, I realize that maybe BabyMan saw something in me that I had become unaware of. I think maybe I had started to take my unfinished task spankings for granted. It's become too easy to blow off what's expected of me, knowing that I only have to take a few mildly uncomfortable whacks for a few seconds out of my life. I had made a sincere effort to drop the annoying habit of procrastination, a habit that had plagued and interfered with my life for years, only to find comfort and complacency in it's consequences.

This was the most intense punishment I've had for not completing a task.  It was never supposed to be like this.  It ranked right up there with the spankings I received for smoking after my quit date, and the fiasco of walking out on him during our last argument.  I actually tried to maintain my composure, and keep from screaming and crying like I was being tortured, but that only lasted about 6 seconds. And if the pain wasn't bad enough, I think 60% of my tears were stemming from the lecture I received while he's punishing my bottom with the bath brush. "I'm wondering if I can trust you now... I'm starting to question your integrity... If you really wanted to obey me you could have set your alarm to wake you up in time... I don't think you respect me... "

I sobbed and screamed until I was again exhausted, and for someone who had recently had 4 hours sleep in the middle of the afternoon, I was led back to bed where my sore bottom was pampered with lotion, and I was tucked in for the night where I cried myself to sleep... again.

Yet I still staunchly live by the procrastinator's creed.... that even after all the trauma of this last punishment, I sit here typing at 4:30 pm. I have a task of shredding a box of documents before BabyMan get's home in a half an hour, and somehow I am confident that I can get it done in the last five minutes before he walks in the door.

Old habits...

12 comments:

  1. This is why I have learned it is so important to realize that every couple has their own dynamic, their understandings...like that dance you have described, their own moves. This sounded somewhat harsh to me, but I was not there.

    I am a procrastinator too, although I have gotten a little better when it comes to doing things he asks. I think I would be a bit hurt, though, if Grant would not hear me that I felt this was truly not disrespect, but an unfortunate series of events that was real. That I HAD done half in the morning and if it had not been for the keys, being out in the cold, then needing to sleep, it would be done. You had planned your whole day around it. However, here's the reality for me...if I look deep in my heart and feel I wanted to, tried, and something happened, I expect to be able to tell him, and be heard and believed and given the benefit of the doubt. If I look and find it is a bunch of excuses, some that are legit, but really not all legit, that's a different story. And then there is the issue of whether he truly felt disrespected, or was just doing this because he thinks he should, black and white, without considering the issues involved. You had not locked your keys in the car in 15 yrs.

    So was it an issue of respect...or not thinking you needed to set the alarm because you don't generally fall sleep like that? I often lay down and close my eyes for 20 minutes in the afternoon if I can, to regenerate (being peri-menopausal and subject to fatigue)and almost never fall asleep. I don't think to set my alarm. Was there an issue of BabyMan's lack of respect for you, that he wouldn't let you talk to him before he punished? If I am going to be spanked, and I have something to say, I want to be heard! Or does this come from a pattern of trying to talk him out of things that you probably shouldn't? These things are often tricky, nuances between couples that only they can see. I feel like I have earned the respect to be believed when I say I just could not get it done. The fleeting thoughts before you slept might have been..."eh, I'm tired and if I don't do it today too bad" or "I need to get this done today but I am sooo tired and really really need a few minutes." That goes to true intent. AND, here's the thing, in our home, I know my husband cares a whole lot more about me than the fridge, so if I really had a bad day that was out of my control, and had true intentions, and was really tired from the stress and the cold, etc...he would not mind the nap and finishing the job tomorrow. But that's us. So SugarAnne, do you feel a bit resentful, not heard or believed? Or do you feel he got to the heart of the matter. THAT is what counts here.

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  2. Sooo... - did you get that stuff shredded in time?

    Won't he read this post and know you put it off?

    It's funny how we just don't remember the good feeling that comes when a job is finished and we can "play" with a free conscience. The feeling of calm looking around and everything is where it should be, or we have done our exercise and we feel good, or we have solved a problem and feel proud. But the distractions are all around us, calling our name, urging us to do something else first. And always, always, when we feel certain we have enough time to finish something later, something comes up to destroy that really tight schedule we have counted on, and we find ourselves once again letting someone (often, ourselves) down.

    We need a procrastinator's support group for spankees. Or a spanking support group for procrastinators? Eh..... we'll figure it out later.

    Hope your bottom is better.

    Jenny

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  3. Sara:
    How conveeeeeeeenient that her Royal Sweetness neglected to mention that this was the second punishment in 3 days for not completing tasks. And that the first punishment, merciful in its "schizophrenia", was a combination of assuring her of my continued love and overall care, and just a light punishment for the incompleted tasks.

    I'm sure it was not intentionally left out. Since I so often tease her that all her spanko friends will sell her out to a spanking in a heartbeat she was probably not expecting a defense. Your defense comes as quite a surprise to me. But your wisdom is duly noted and greatly appreciated and I have tucked it securely into my shirt pocket near my heart for future reference.

    Jenny:
    The shredding was done, as was the other tasks that have since been assigned. Yes, support group...good idea.

    "Hello my name is BabyMan, and I'm married to a procrastinator." Everyone:
    "Hi! BabyMan!"

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  4. Ah, you see, this is why I have learned to withhold judgement, because there are always at very least two sides. In my house there could be more, as I can have numerous opinions...depends on my mood when you ask me. ;)

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  5. Procrastinating Spankos Anonymous, is that a good name Jenn? Yes, I'll join.
    SugarAnne, I will join the Hates to Clean-out the Refrigerator Club if you start one, furry things make my skin crawl.
    Today I have been told that the state of our abode is not to Henry's liking. I can see the writing of the wall, and I am putting off reading it for as long as I can.
    See you at the first meetings, we can stand in the back, OK?

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  6. Sara,
    So, yeah, I kind of forgot to mention the spanking for an unfinished task a couple days earlier (see, this is the problem with having a blogging husband in the same neighborhood). And I suppose I have to admit that I have definitely become complacent with the old bend-over-and-move-on system we had in place, and I was unconcerned with the consequences if I were to over sleep. And, yes, I guess I have a bit of a pattern of trying to talk him out of punishing me when I really deserve it. And no, I'm not a napper, I have a habit of intending to cat nap and remaining unconscious for hours. (This doesn't make me sound very sympathetic, does it?) That being said, I just don't have the credibility with BabyMan that you have with Grant at this point. However, your comment about this "sounding somewhat harsh," I gotta say, I must concur. But I guess I better work a little harder on this, or get used to it.

    Dammit.

    Jenny,
    BabyMan really doesn't care if I procrastinate 'til I'm blue in the face. All he cares about is that the job is finished when he walks in the door. Like I said, 9 times out of 10...

    And as for the procrastinator's support group for spankees, I will gladly organize it. We can meet at Janet's place once we move into her DD neighborhood. ( http://wilswife.blogspot.com/2010/04/life-in-spanking-community.html?zx=1560d1a891728db4 ) Elysia, you can head up the refrigerator division.

    Oh, and BabyMan...
    Stay out of my comment section. Your crowdin' me, man! You're crowdin' me!

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  7. SugarAnne, I think I can safely say the credibility I now have took quite some time to build and was hard earned. These things take time. I must admit I used to talk Grant out of punishments too...and I am a pretty persuasive talker. I was going to be a lawyer. :) It was not a good thing. There was even a period where we agreed (he decided, and I had to admit it was needed) that once he called for a P, I was not allowed to discuss it with him until after. It was important for me to learn to be more honest than persuasive, if that makes sense?

    I am a procrastinator too. I have had to learn to not rush through jobs, though, but to give it the attention he expects. There are things that are just not as important to me as to him, but if he asks me to do something, that last minute throw it together technique does not impress him. And I do understand, because in the end it has to do with making him important enough in my world to do things to please him. Over time I have become better at remembering that. To Grant it is attitude and intent as much as anything else. He's a hard task master in some ways, but then he gives so much you know? I think you might be in the same boat. And things will come together...you guys have come so far!

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  8. I feel for ya Sugar - aren't most of us awful procrastinators? Like Sara, Elysia and yourself, I could easily sing the roster and join that group. I hate being tasked, I hate chores, I hate when refrigerators get nasty and require attention - but I love waiting until the last possible second. Doesn't always work out too good though does it?

    Thanks for making me laugh though - I have pulled the "locking my keys and phone in the car" thing sooo many times because of the fact that my second to worst bad habit, after procrastination of course, seems to be a tendency to be chronically and hopelessly disorganized. Hmmm, go figure.

    Sorry you had a bad day and got punished - it does sound like BabyMan came down kinda hard over this...but if its a repeat offense in a matter of days, well, what can I say? Been there, done that, sucks big time. Live and learn. Or, if your anything like me, live, get your butt whooped many times, THEN learn. LOL

    Hang in there!

    Jenn

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  9. Hiya Sugar Anne :)
    I am a big time procrastinator too. I can "put it off" with the best of them. Cleaning, the bills, finishing projects, nothing can ever wait too long! From the comments, it is not a lonely place! Lots of friends :) And lots of sore bottoms!
    Salvia

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  10. SugarAnne,

    Okay Procrastinators Support group at my place but Hate to clean the refrigerator support group at yours!!!! I know that a "clean the refrigerator" is coming soon in my morning email. Why can't they make self cleaning refrigerators they make self cleaning ovens don't they???

    Sorry you got in trouble for procrastinating and oh boy does BabyMan's lecture sound just like Wil's!!! I think they are secretly in communication with each other!

    Just be glad you haven't gotten in trouble for trying to change his mind about the spanking. You sound so much like me when you said:
    "You know," I touched him sensually on the thigh, "you don't have to spank me. There's no rule that says you have to."
    That one always backfires on me!!!! Yes I can definitely see where we all need to move into our spankers neighborhood. Well at least I am getting lots of good ideas for my story!!!! LOL.

    Take care and hopefully that darn refrigerator stays clean for a while!

    Janet

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  11. Jenn,
    yeah, I'm like you. I can't tell you how many times I've been punished for this. I don't usually post about it because it's always been pretty boring. Bend over the bed, take about 10 whacks, and enjoy the rest of the evening. Piece o' cake, right? Not any more! Like changing a workout routine because your muscles have gotten used to the same exercises, he changes from the leather paddle to the bath brush because my butt's gotten used to... well, very Freakin' clever. Who taught him to do these things?

    Hey, Salvia, Welcome.
    You're right about one thing, it sure is good to know I'm not the only one. I'm in good company. :)

    SugarAnne.

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  12. Janet, thanks. I never thought about the possibility of getting spanked for trying to talk him out of it. Fortunately he hasn't thought about it either. I don't think it irritates him when I do that. I have a sneaking suspicion that he thinks it's funny. I often catch him trying to hide a smile while attempting to remain stoic and stern, although he'd never admit to it.

    Are you writing a story about your "neighborhood?" I love your fiction, and think this would be a wonderful addition. You could use all of us as characters. Just make mine look good.

    SugarAnne

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