Babyman was in one of those moods; Amorous, affectionate, horny. He excites me when he's this way. He begins first thing in the morning by telling me what he plans to do to me when he gets home from work, and in no uncertain terms... but to use more delicate language than he used, he wants to spank me and make love to me all over the house. These are the good spankings. The "slap and tickle" sessions I adore so much. It makes us both crazy, and we wind up groping and merging together like animals for hours. He'll probably begin in the living room as he bends me over the back of the couch, warms my behind with the paddle, and then enter me with a passionate appetite that'll leave me breathless and drained, but wanting more. Then he'll move to the kitchen counter, and then the couch in the den, and then... He tells me what he wants me to pick up for dinner, (not that we'll ever get to dinner) and what he wants me to be wearing when he comes through the door at 5:00. When he gets home, everything is in order. The counter top grill is out and ready to be fired up on command. I'm wearing a chemise and bikini set that he had bought me a while back for Valentine's Day. I'm standing there with paddle in hand, bare feet, and a little lip gloss on my lips. When he sees me he smiles, grabs me and fondles me like we've been apart for months.
"Did you get my message?"
"What message?" I look at him inquisitively.
"The one I left for you on my blog." He takes the paddle and slaps me affectionately with it. "Go take a look."
I smile suspiciously as I go to the den and open up his blog on the computer. He sits on the arm of the couch a couple feet away as I read. But something's wrong. As I'm reading, expecting to find something romantic and beautiful, I find language that is base, vile, disturbing; going into graphic detail of our impending evening together. My darling man is a minister of the Gospel. He's got the heart of a servant of God... and a mouth like a sailor. I turn to look at him with shock on my face. "No... you didn't do this. Tell me you didn't do this!"
I can tell he's confused, as men so often are. "What's wrong?" he asks
"Why not? It's my blog."
"But it's about me! It's about us. I'm... I'm mortified! You have to delete it."
"Delete it? No!"
"Yes! and right now, before anyone reads it! It's disgusting!"
"Absolutely not." he reaches for me and pulls me over his knee and slaps me playfully with the paddle. Once I stand up again, he catches the pissed off look on my face. "You're not serious..." he says.
I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. I'm sincerely horrified that he would use that kind of language in his blog when referring to me after I had made it clear that I didn't appreciate that last time he did it months ago. I move to the other end of the couch, grab a pillow and cover my exposed body with it. "I'm offended," I said. "You have to get rid of that thing tonight! Now!"
Babyman sits down next to me and remains quiet.
"Well?"
"I'm thinking about it," he said.
Thinking about it? Thinking about it?
"Well while you think about it, I'm getting dressed." I took off for the bedroom, grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweater, and slipped into them. Then I lay down on the bed and cry myself to sleep. My beautiful erotic evening had been ruined, and that insensitive jerk wasn't lifting a finger to fix the problem.
I wake up about 7:15 and go into the den to find Babyman lying on the couch watching a rerun of Law and Order. He shifts his eyes toward me. "I fixed it," he says.
I breathe a sigh of relief and manage a smile. "Thank you," I whisper. The passion of the evening had been extinguished, but perhaps I could kill some of the bad feeling between us. I felt a little bad that I had dictated the way he expresses himself in his own journal, and that clearly bothers him. I rubbed his leg affectionately. "You want me to make your dinner?" I ask.
"No" he says curtly. I can tell that he's still irritated. I went to the computer and pull up his blog once again to verify that the distasteful post had indeed been removed, and find...wait a second, he hadn't delete it at all! He simply left the same title with a teaser stating that the disgusting part had been removed, and that he was willing to answer interrogatories in it's place.
"You gotta be kidding me! This is the best I'm going to get?" I snapped.
"What do you mean? I got rid of the part you didn't like"
"I wanted it gone! All of it. Dammit!" I get up and storm back into the bedroom and slam the door. I put on my socks and gym shoes, grab my jacket and purse and stormed rather loudly into the kitchen to retrieve my keys.
"Where are you going?" I hear him call from the den.
"OUT!" I spit
"NO YOU'RE NOT!" he shoots back.
"Watch me! You won't talk to me about this, you won't consider my feelings, I need to get out of here!" I said as I reached for the front door.
"I'm talking to you right now. Sugar, don't you..." his voice trails off into the distance as I shut the door behind me and run down the hall and out of the building.
I know what his damned problem is. He wants to make sure I know that I couldn't tell him what to do. Well he and his *&^$%# principles can damned well keep each other company tonight. I'm going to a bar.
While I sat in a sports bar a couple of blocks away nursing a Miller Lite and watching The March Madness tournament, it occurres to me...What did I just do? I walked out on him when he expressly told me not to.
He's gonna kill me!
To be continued...
SugarAnne, I would have been upset too. Upset that he posted that, upset that he argued about delteing it, upset that eh tried a half way approach to appease me, which shows he didn't 'get it' at all.
ReplyDeleteThen there is the issue of him not being sure if his being dominant means he doesn't have to respect your feelings. I am sure he did not mean it that way but I can see you feeling like that at the time.
And then just the disappointment of looking forward to a nice evening and the sudden fall out...yuck for you both! It happens.
As for the "Don't leave!" If you missed the last half of it does it still count? I have learned to freeze. Seriously, And I hate that he makes me and I hate that I do it, but I do. Sometimes I stay to work it out and sometimes I stay to say "I need some time to calm down before I can discuss this." We have an agreement that either of us can request that and the other has to honor it. Marriage sure ain't for sissies!
Sara, thank you for your consistent wisdom. Babyman has always been the protector of my physical being as well as my emotional being, and I always took it for granted that he would defer to my requests. Did Babyman really believe his dominance was in jeopardy if he gave me what I asked for? If that were truly his concern, those posts would still be in place today (but for a moment, yes, it sure sounded that way). Babyman usually let's me have my way, but has always required a good explanation when I've insisted on something.
ReplyDeleteI had trouble expressing my rationale that evening, and told him that he needed to defer to my feelings regardless of a lack of explanation on my part. That's hard for a man who is driven by logic to understand. But eventually he did. All that was left was for me to "pay" for my equally disrespectful walk-out.
Marriage ain't for sissies? You said a mouthful.
SugarAnne,
ReplyDeleteFirst you have my sympathy. I have been involved in many moments of Henry not listening to me. Communication is a two way street, and sometimes my side has way more traffic to deal with, and I feel like it is just not fair! Misunderstandings would be a good label for many of the worms that have infested our sometimes blissful home lately. Misunderstandings are like the road blocks that only detour the traffic to some other place. The cars or words/meanings/thoughts/feelings are still going somewhere but not to the right place. That is when you have to stay and help direct traffic to the right avenue- straight to Babyman.
Hugs,
Elysia
Wow, Sugar, LOL. It's not really funny, but it kind of is! This same thing (well, close enough) has happened to J and I many times. It's hard to try to understand what gets into them sometimes, huh? I've been getting the feeling with J lately that he doesn't want to listen to a single thing I say, and it's "his way or the highway". Not the way it's supposed to work, if you ask me, although I will admit to him, of course, having the upper hand in our marriage. That doesn't have to mean that everything has to be one sided and they "don't HAVE to listen to us", or respect our wishes. That's BS. I'm thinking that they need to undergo some sensitivity training or something. (Can you tell that J has just recently said something that pissed me off, but I'm holding this tongue of mine?) Only difference is that J would not have allowed me to walk out on him, and if I somehow managed to get past him (and I have, in the past)he would come after me. I doubt I would have even made it to the car, lol.
ReplyDeleteKeep us posted :)
Jenn