Sunday, November 28, 2010

Living with a Spanko

This particular picture reminds me of B'Man and myself.  Me with the surprised, pained, but slightly aroused look on my face, and him with the perpetual grin.  This is what we look like when he's in his playful mood and I'm in my "Hey, take it easy," mode.

B'Man's obsession with my rear end has caused his behavior to blossom into constant grabs, pats and swats on public streets, in the lobby of the theater, in the grocery store... I'm not going to say that I don't love it. I do. We started exploring the concept of spanking because of my sexual sensitivity in that area in the first place. But now my crazy lunatic spanko of a husband has taken it to an HNL ( a hole nutha level).

Living with a spanko is a life dedicated to dodging bullets. B'Man is constantly on the lookout for opportunities to hone his spanking craft, and there's a certain sinister glee in his walk that tends to unnerve a woman committed to protecting her butt from pain. Sometimes I think my man has lost his mind.

There's a long hallway between our door and the lobby of our building, and I like to stand there in the morning as I watch him walk away toward the exit. Too often he will turn around and walk backwards and exclaim loudly enough for someone to hear through their doors, as well as any undetected persons in the lobby, that I am to behave myself or he will come home and "wax that ass." This is his favorite euphemism for spanking, and his favorite way of watching my face twist in mortification. The fact that he has an obsession with my butt is not a secret to the outside world anymore, and he's coming out of the closet at the most interesting times.

In Jamaica, we were in the local marketplace where B'Man picked up a spatula. Nothing hand made or interesting, just a regular metal and plastic spatula made in china. The merchant, knowing that we were tourists at the local resort, was confused by his interest. "Do you plan on cooking while you're in Jamaica?" she asked him.

B'Man replied as he slapped it hard against the palm of his hand, "Yeah. I plan on frying my wife's bacon." 

The merchant tilted her head, glanced at me and smiled knowingly.  I could only roll my eyes while B'Man laughed and jabbed me with his elbow.

We were in Best Buy recently looking to purchase a new MP3 player, when B'Man noticed a sales associate playing with a plastic paddle ball with the Kodak emblem. He announced that he used to be great at that game, and asked her if he could try it. Well, it had been several years since he played with one, and he couldn't seem to nail it even once, and I laughed and teased him about his pathetically spastic attempts to hit that little rubber ball with the paddle until he gave up. it was obviously a cheap promotional toy left behind by a Kodak sales rep, so B'Man asked if he could have it.

"You plan on getting good at that again?" I asked.

"Nah. I plan on using it to wax that ass!" he said whispering loud enough that it seemed that anyone within a 5 foot radius could hear as he slapped the paddle against his hand.

Aside from the obvious public displays of affection for my backside, he is constantly on the lookout for opportunities to put me over his knee. Several times in the last few months I have made a few off the cuff remarks about personal goals that I want to accomplish. One of them was my desire to cut down, and eventually cut sugar out of my diet completely. The first time I mentioned it, B'Man was getting dressed and coincidentally reaching for his belt. He doubled it in his hand and brought it down hard on the bed inches from where I sat. Then he sported that boyish grin of his and said, "I'd be happy to help you with that endeavor, Baby. Just say the word."

Flashbacks of his "help" in my quest to quit smoking caused a physical tremor, and I graciously declined his offer.

"Hey, I can make it so every time you see a candy bar you get the urge to stand up."

"Yeah, I get the basic idea, thank you anyway."

"I'm here for you, Baby," he said, pounding his chest proudly with his fist. "That's my job."

Now I've never been one for maintenance. Many of my friends understand, appreciate and encourage the practice... Frankly it just makes me nervous. While admittedly it may or may not help with stress, it can be as uncomfortable and painful as a punishment, and I'd just as soon avoid it if I can.  B'Man likes the idea of maintenance, and while we thankfully have not set a schedule for it, he manages to sneak one in every so often... I suspect more for his benefit than mine. Out of the blue, for seemingly no reason at all he'll say "You haven't had a good spanking in a while. Go bring me the paddle."

Of course I have to argue about it. "WHY! I haven't done anything!"

"I know, Baby, and we're going to keep it that way."

"No way, Uh-Uh! forget it! This maintenance thing is Bullshit!" I snap as I point at him accusingly.

This is where he'll smile, lean into me and say in a low, threatening voice, "You have 'til the count of three.  One... two..."

The fact that I argue turns it into a punishment.  I am tricked.  Hoisted by my own petard.

30 years form now, B'Man and I will likely be together in some retirement home, wheelchair and walker bound... me losing track of my glasses and teeth, and rolling my eyes at him when he expresses his irritation at my forgetfulness and irresponsibility.  No doubt he will flag down a CNA or an orderly and tip him a few bucks to go outside and cut him a switch so that he can "wax that ass."

16 comments:

  1. My husband is quicky becoming a spanko and getting a bit verbal about it also. There are alot of 'spanks' while I am at my sisters' house or my parents' house. There is the not so veiled threat of upcoming doom to my derriere, and some jokes and comments of his manliness and authority in his home. If anyone was thinking in that way; they'd surely get 'it', but so far no one has ventured a guess towards ttwd. It is still a bit embarrassing, but I am really glad that he is so PROUD of himself. :) Enjoy your spanko husband; because he sure as heck is enjoying 'you' *L* hope your having a good weekend :)

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  2. Enjoy it Sugar, I am very jealous!

    Hugs,
    PK

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  3. I've never made a secret as to my favorite part of my wife's anatomy, and yes, I am a dyed in the wool spanko. DD has given me the opportunity to indulge my proclivity while at the same time being of great service to my wife.

    I don't care what she says, she likes the attention a lot of the time.

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  4. This entry made my night! Can't wait for Sean to get home for him to read as well! Sometimes annoying, but I love that he chases after me anyway. :)
    - Mary-Kate

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  5. Heehee! This made me laugh out loud while cringing at the thought of Davey getting this obvious in public.... xxxxxxxxxxxx

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  6. Love it!! I wouldn't say Scott is a spanko (yet) but he is definitely obsessed with my ass. I kept giggling as I nervously remembered Scott talking in the store this weekend about giving me a spanking - loud enough for anyone to hear.

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  7. I couldn't stop laughing! Ha! Funny post! "coming out of the closet" :-). Leo is discreet, but is starting to get friskier in public and a few slaps on the butt here and there have been occur in more frequent. Did you ever think you would have created such a 'spank monster'

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  8. Aaron has that same grin, usually after a well placed swat in public. Good thing he's cute because it makes me want to strangle and kiss him all at the same time.

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  9. SS,
    I imagine your sister and your parents will probably start to get it after a while. I had an uncle who constantly made all kinds of threats, veiled and overt, to my aunt’s behind, I was a teenager when I realized what was going on. I wasn’t familiar with the term “spanko” back then, but we were all acutely aware that Uncle Sonny had an obsession with Aunt Yvonne’s ass, and she probably got spanked a lot. He passed away a couple of years ago, and I’ve been meaning to call and ask her about that.

    PK,
    Thank you. I find it adorable and endearing. And sometimes it just stings LOL!

    Hello, Mick,
    You and B’Man are so similar. He loves seeing me bare assed and up-ended… yet he has a sincere reluctance to cause me pain though punishment. I understand there’s a real fight going on inside him.

    Welcome, Mary-Kate.
    I’m so looking forward to reading more about you and Sean in your blog. It looks like you’re living life with a spanko as well.

    Daisy, My Girl,
    I am on pins and needles waiting to find out what kind of spanko Davey is. I have a feeling you’re going to be confused, surprised, a little mortified, a tad thrilled, and very turned on.




    Georgia,
    If Scott is obsessed with your ass and is making declarations in public places with little concern for discretion… then yup… your man is a spanko. At this point it’s just a matter of degree. Enjoy it.

    Hey Judy!
    The spank monster is on the loose! We can’t gather the villagers and drive him back into his cave with pick axes and torches. All we can do is embrace him, enjoy him and come to the realization that our lives will never again be the same.

    Monica,
    I absolutely get the mixed emotions of wanting to strangle and kiss. I write a lot about B’Man’s adorable grin, the one that endears me to him no matter what annoying and exasperating thing comes out of his mouth. It’s disarming and vexing at the same time… and leaves me totally at his mercy. Thanks for stopping by.

    SugarAnne

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  10. Don't count on being in a nursing home,you two may be hardier than you think! ;) My folks still live alone(with the dog)in their house my Mom is 85 and my Dad is 90!

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  11. My dh has not said it outloud in public but he will pick something up shake his head with his smirky grin and open eyes wide!!.. I just go o put that down lol

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  12. Great post, SugarAnne!

    I agree, B'Man is quite confident in his, um, spanko side! You know, maintenance does help prevent more punishments. It might help sway the decision when self will and B'man's orders are juggling back and forth, keep the hormones in check, and just make B'Man's life just plain ole happy.

    I loved the Best Buy incident! I am sure that thing will be broken in a matter of days!!!

    And as for the nursing home, if you should end up in one, he'll keep a paddle close by, I'm sure. When he forgets to put it in the right place, he'll be "whispering" so loud that everyone down the hall hears "Implement the Hook, Sugar!" and the nurses will be giggling, "oh, he's left that paddle out again. We should just make him a hook on his wheelchair so Sugar doesn't have to get up so much."

    Kady

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  13. SugarAnne - Lol! I'm glad B'Man is so comfortable in his HoH role. Sounds like you have a very loving, comfortable (well, mostly, lol) relationship with one another. It's so fun to read about it here and on B'Man's blog. Oh, and the nursing home bit? Hilarious! I wonder if they have nursing homes for spankos? ;-)

    -RW

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  14. Wow Sugar, he certainly has embraced this hasnt he. You are one lucky girl. Big hugs, Galway

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  15. Scunge,
    From Your mouth to God's ear! I'm hoping that we can take care of ourselves in our own home. I'm sure B'Man will be spanking me well into our 90's, and frankly, the privacy would be nice.

    Daisy,
    You're living with a spanko too! Don't be surprised when he starts verbalizing his intentions in public.

    Oh, Kady,
    This paddle ball isn't one of the old cheap plywood ones from the 50's. It's one of those new fangled plastic jobs that will probably survive a nuclear blast. The only thing that's going to break is my butt! I love your take on the nurses in the retirement home. I'm sure they'll be more than willing to accommodate us through our golden spanko years.

    RW,
    A nursing home for spankos? This lifestyle is growing so fast and furious, I'm sure someone will come up with the idea to profit from the ttwd community. I'm sure on of the features of such a place will be a spanking room, complete with an array of implements and fuzzy handcuffs, all monitored and supervised by a Geriatric Discipline Therapist for safety and effectiveness. Hmmm... there's a fictional story in there somewhere.

    Galway,
    Sometimes it's a real kick. Other times I think... Where the hell can I find his off switch?
    Good to see ya.

    SugarAnne

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