Phone Calls and Workouts and Lies

I'm a child at heart. I admit it, I embrace it, and I love it. I take pride in the fact that I still laugh out loud at Bugs Bunny cartoons, I search for new and exciting video games, and there are few joys in life that compare to a good rollercoaster. But as childlike as I am in my heart, my body has proven that time does indeed march on, as evidenced by the loss of cartilage in my hips. The effects of rheumatoid arthritis has been staved off through low impact exercise, nutritional supplements, and weight loss. But it creeps in when I overstep my bounds, which I am prone to do from time to time.

This year BabyMan surprised me for our anniversary by taking the day off of work, and taking me to Six Flags for the day, something I had been begging him to do since the last time we went about 3 years ago. I was in heaven. The weather was beautiful, the crowd was manageable, and I couldn't have planned a more perfect time. But walking all day on hard pavement inflamed my hips, and by the time we arrived home, I was in tears, and couldn't walk or stand. BabyMan instructed me to take a couple of Aleve, and go to bed.

He hated seeing me in agony, and announced that that would be my last trip to the theme park. I protested loudly. "NO! I can handle it. This is temporary. I want to go again next year!"

"I don't think so, Babe. Your body clearly can't handle it."

I couldn't let him give up on me like this. It's my body, I'll decide what I can handle. I decided not to argue about it at that time, after all, I have a year in which to convince him that I shouldn't have to give up one of my passions. The subject would be revisited when the time is right, but for now, I was in pain.

I woke up stiff, my bones creaking like rusty hinges on a door. Bearing weight on my hips and legs was frightening, but I knew that the unsteadiness would last only a couple of hours. BabyMan watched me, shaking his head as I gingerly stepped through my morning routine. I kept a brave face and shrugged it off as though it were nothing. "I'll be fine as soon as I get my bearings," I assured him.

"I'm sure you will, " he said. "But I don't want you going to the gym today, no matter how good you feel later. Okay?"

"No problem,"

"I mean it," he reiterated sternly.  "No gym."

I really did plan on taking it easy. But as the morning wore on, a few truths came to light. I hadn't had a good workout in over 3 days due to another minor illness, and... I had gained 3 lbs over the weekend.

What could be the harm in doing a few minutes of cardio on the elliptical? 

At about noon, I got dressed, grabbed my MP3, a bottle of water and took off for the gym. The cardio was tough, but I even had enough energy and stamina to work on my abs and obliques.

Okay, big mistake. I admit it. My hips were throbbing by the time I got to the wifi cafe where I opened my laptop and began chatting with a friend as I worked on another post. I was there almost an hour before I realized what time it was.

Now, I had made a valiant effort to keep in contact with BabyMan during the day last month as he asked me to, but unfortunately fell short enough times that he felt the need to extend the task to the 15th of July (our anniversary). And I was keeping up with it pretty well... Until today. I was busy, tired, distracted and in pain, and I dropped the ball. I excused myself from chatting to my friend and feverishly dialed his work number.

"Hey, Baby," I said nervously.

"Hey, Beautiful," he said cheerfully. Good he doesn't realize what time it is. We spoke for a few minutes about his upcoming sermon at a friend's ministry that evening across town, and then...

"What makes you late today?" he asked

Damn!

"I'm sorry. I screwed up. I just got so busy..."

"Really? Are you chatting on the computer?"

How does he know these things?  "Uh, well, yeah, a little."

"So, let me get this straight. You can find time to talk to friends on your laptop, but you can't seem to call your husband in a three hour time span?"

I didn't like the way this conversation was going, and I didn't have a good enough defense. Then things suddenly took a turn for the worse.

"Did you go to the gym today?"

Why, oh WHY did he ask that?

"Well, uh... yeah. For a bit."

"So you disobeyed me and worked out when I told you to take it easy today?"

This was turning out to be such a crappy day! What came out of my mouth was a series of grunts. "I... oh....uh...you...uh...,"  it was one long vowel movement.

"I'll be home at 5:00. Be ready. Girl up. Short skirt. Make me a salad for dinner. I'll just have enough time to eat, go over my sermon, spank you and get on the road."

God, I hate it when he's so non chalant about this.  Like spanking is simply an obligation that interferes with his life, like getting a haircut.

My call waiting signal on my phone went off. I looked at the caller ID. "Mom's trying to call me," I said. "But your more important. I'll call her later."

BabyMan laughed. "Oh, now you're trying to score points, huh?"

"Is it working?"

"Nice try, Baby. I'll see you at five."

I was putting the finishing touches on his salad when he walked in.  He kissed me, dropped the mail on the counter and said, "let's take care of this."

In the den, BabyMan constructed what he called a “spanking station” consisting of the couch’s armrest, a dining room chair and a pillow, designed to hoist my behind high in the air. During the spanking I kicked and bucked until he pinned my legs down with his, and then proceeded to incinerate my behind with the leather paddle and then the bath brush.

After he was through, he had me remain in position to think about my actions and my inactions of the day, his version of “Corner Time.” I held my place for several minutes and sobbed quietly while he turned to the computer and brought up the sermon he was to deliver this evening.

After a while he turned to me and released me from my position of penance. I rose silently, and melted as he folded his arms around me.

“Thank you for my salad,” he said. “It looks delicious.”

“You’re… welcome,” I choked out as I fought to calm my breathing.

“I need to go over my sermon. Will you listen to it and tell me what you think?”

“Sure,” I stepped back from him and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “What’s the subject?”

BabyMan smiled. “Obedience.”