Jamaican Me Crazy

I was recently reminded by a fellow blogger that my husband had made a post a while back alluding to an incident that took place on our Jamaican vacation, called Let Freedom Sting.  It occured to me that I had posted my version of this story in a forum many months ago.  I'm afraid it doesn't make me look too good, but... I'm kind of getting used to that.



The fourth day of our wonderful Jamaican getaway at a beautiful resort in Montego Bay had been sullied by a wave of hormonal disharmony. I found myself being annoyed and irritated at everything and everyone and opted to disappear rather than talk to my husband about what was bothering me. I greeted BabyMan first thing in the morning with a series of grunts, and snapped that nothing was wrong when he inquired about my mood. I didn't join him in the gym like I had every morning since we arrived. I ate breakfast by myself, and when I spotted him approaching the dining hall, skirted off to the pool. When I saw him approaching the pool area, I got up and went to the lobby of the resort and dashed out the front entrance.

Across the street was a small structure that had once been a bus stop, but was now housing four Jamaican gypsy cab drivers waiting to snag tourists for a cheap tour of the island. I approached them somewhat assertively to find how warm and welcoming they were. We engaged in conversation, these four entrepreneurs, and myself. They called me Princess and kissed my hand. They asked about my hometown, I inquired about the history of the island of Jamaica... it was all very comfortable. I lost track of time, realizing later that I had been hanging out with four strange men for the better part of an hour. I thanked my hosts and turned back toward the resort.

"Before you go, Princess, how 'bout some good smoke?"

I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at the oldest man in the quartet. "Excuse me?" I whispered

"You smoke?"

"You mean..."

"Ganja. Yes. Got some good stuff here."

I knew it was all over the island. There's an entire religion that incorporates marijuana as spiritual enhancement, it's a way of life to a huge population in Jamaica. It just never occurred to me that the island natives would have the nerve to offer it to the tourists. It is, after all, still officially illegal here. I was surprised that he felt that I was approachable to the subject. I had told him that I was the wife of a pastor, what made him sense that I would be open to this? This was exciting, delicious, intriguing. I smiled almost flirtatiously. "You in a generous mood today, or are you looking to make a buck?"

"I'm sellin' Sweet Ting" he said. "But I'll part wit a sample just to wet da appetite, eh?"

I began shaking my head in protest. "My husband would kill me if I..." my voice trailed off as I gently touched the goose-bumps on my arm. "I haven't smoked weed in almost 20 years."

"Don't yah tink you should get reacquainted den?"

I glanced back at the resort, and then back at this captain of industry. "Tell you what, Hon. If I decide to take you up on that, I'll know where to find you." He kissed my hand again, and I ran off before I had a chance to change my mind.

Passing the pool, the dining hall, the bar, I didn't spot BabyMan.  I finally found him lying on the bed in the room watching a movie on HBO in his swimming trunks. He didn't look happy. I decided to stay quiet, despite my much improved disposition. I thought it best to turn and get out of there fast.

"Where have you been?" His voice was tense. Not a good sign.

I stopped in my tracks and pivoted to face him. "You know... around," I said.

"Uh huh," he said as he sat up in the bed. "Sugar, I don't like the way you've been treating me all morning. You won't talk to me, you've been avoiding me for hours. What the hell is going on?"

"I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. "

"I didn't think so. I haven't done anything to deserve this."

"I can't seem to control my emotions today," I dropped my head in contrition. "I'm really sorry. I felt one of my temper explosions coming on this morning and... well I disappeared to protect you."

He looked at me and nodded his head sympathetically. He really did understand, he had seen the hormonal imbalances turn me into everything from a sex crazed commando to a tantrum prone lunatic, and, God love him, he had exhibited patience far beyond what I deserved over the last few months. But he'd be damned if he was going to let me put a damper on our Jamaican vacation. "I understand your emotions are out of control. But you have to communicate with me. We've been down this road too many times before, and I won't allow you to just withdraw, leaving me to figure out what's going on."

"I know. I..." I stopped cold as I watched him grab the pillows and stack them at the edge of the bed. I closed my eyes and tried desperately to squeeze a tear out of my eye. Nothing. I whispered a couple of curse words to myself. Okay, I had been here before. No big deal, So I was going to be spanked for withdrawing and running away without a word to him. I can take it. We hadn't brought the paddle with us on this trip so he'll have to use his hand. I can handle this.

"I'm going to help you get back on track, Baby," BabyMan said as he rose and walked to the chair where he had tossed his clothes.

I clenched my teeth and placed my thumbs inside the waistband of my bathing suit bottoms and pulled them down below the sit spot. "I really am sorry," I repeated as I draped myself over the pillows. I cradled my chin in the palms of my hands as I watched BabyMan reach for his shorts on the chair and pull the belt from the loops. This was new. I never thought that he'd actually use his belt, as he had never used it before. "Hey, wait a second," I began my protest when I felt his hand on the small of my back. It was too late. I bit my lip and closed my eyes tight.

"You have to communicate with me, Sugar. You can't keep doing this to me. It's unfair." He punctuated each sentence with a gentle, merciful slap of the belt. I had anticipated intense, searing pain, but instead received an unimpassioned temperate spanking that left me somewhat confused and relieved.

It took me a moment, but I suddenly realized what was happening here. He was unsure of using the belt. He was hesitant... cautious...timid even. The belt slapped my bottom leniently, just enough to create a light sting, but not enough to be categorized as painful. I took sharp breaths through clenched teeth, and whimpered just enough for him to be satisfied that he had made an impression.

Now, here's where things began to turn south.  I don't know exactly how I suddenly became a conniving, manipulative, scheming opportunist. Normally, I'm not... Really! But it was then that something went off in my head telling me that I could use his lack of determination to my advantage. The devil was sitting on my shoulder whispering a plan in my ear. He's scared to use that belt on you. You know he should have burned your butt. You got away with murder here. You know what else you can get away with? You can buy a joint from that dude across the street. C'mon, you may never get another chance like this. You know you want to.

Lying there, upturned ass, contrite as hell, my halo being restored to it's normal vibrancy, I felt an evil grin begin to take form at tha corners of my mouth.

Our practice is that after a spanking I am not to move out of place until he gives me permission. I waited patiently while I watched him toss the belt on the bed and retrieve his glasses, book and beach towel. "You can get up now," he said quietly.

I rose, adjusted my bathing suit, and sat on the bed. The devil on my shoulder took over, telling me exactly what to say.

"Baby, what would you say if I said I was offered pot by one of the locals?" I said.

BabyMan turned off the television, grabbed his sandals and sat next to me while he slipped them on.. "I'd say I'm not surprised. Those cabbies across the street offered it to me yesterday." He suddenly frowned, "Is that where you were this morning, hanging out with those guys?"

"Yes," I said sheepishly.

Exasperated, he shook his head.  In all fairness he should have reached for that belt again. Wandering around outside of the resort without him was another act of disobedience. I smiled when I realized that once again, he simply didn't have the nerve. This was going to be too easy.

"What would you say if I said I'm considering buying a little?" I was pushing my luck at this point, but luck was clearly on my side.

He took his glasses off and rubbed the lenses on his shirt. "I'd say think again."

"Now wait a minute, let's talk about this. I'm just talking about a little... and you know I've been hormonally nuts lately, it'll really calm me down."

"Sugar..."

"And you know we smelled someone smoking it when we were on our balcony the other night. It's not like it's a big deal around here."

"Sugar ..."

"And since I haven't smoked in years, just a teeny bit would do the trick. We're just talking about medicinal purposes here."

"SUGARANNE!"

"WHAT?"

"What is the matter with you? You know better. We had this conversation years ago and agreed that neither one of us would allow it in our lives again."

"Yeah, well maybe I want to revisit that agreement."

"I'm not going to argue with you about this. The answer is no." His face softened. "Now come on, let's go to the pool."

As he headed for the door and opened it, he looked back to see that I had remained seated. I opened my mouth and the words that came out surprised me. It was like the devil sitting on my shoulder was talking a mile a minute and I was having a hard time keeping up. "I'm gonna do it," I said. "I... I think this is an opportunity I may never have again, and... I... I think I may not have the willpower to withstand the temptation..."

"Sugar, are you saying that you're going to disobey me?"

"I'm saying that you helped me quit cigarettes by giving me a reminder of what a punishment would feel like if I fell off the wagon." I picked his belt up off the bed and held it out to him. "I think you should do the same here."

Now I knew what that scheming little devil on my shoulder was doing, and how very, very clever of her! Find out what he's capable of. Can he really bring himself to use the belt effectively? Not a chance. He was as afraid of that thing as I was.  If you scream and cry and carry on as if you're being tortured, BabyMan will think he's done his job, and you can get away with a really nice high or two!

"Sugar, with the cigarettes we were dealing with an addiction. Your lack of willpower was understandable. Now you're just talking about an act of defiance."

"We're talking about an act of desperation. I need something to take the edge off. And I think this might help me get over the temptation."

I rose as he took the belt from my hand and sighed. "Okay, let's get this over with," he said almost sadly. He tapped the bed in the place where he wanted me to bend over. I turned, lowered my bathing suit, and placed my elbows on the mattress. This was going to be a breeze. The devil whispered excitedly in my ear again.  Even if he spanks you twice as hard as he had a moment ago, it would still all be worth it. The belt is no longer a threat to you, but apparently it he's scared to death of it.  You're home free, and you won't have any problem buying a joint in the next day or two and smoking it on the beach. you can do it openly, honestly, take your so-called "punishment" and it will all have been worth...

WHAP!

The first blow cut off my breath and my head bolted up. "HOLY SHIT!" I yelled. "No, no, no..." this was not what I had planned! I put my hands on the bed and attempted to push myself up but felt a strong hand on my back push me back down. WHAP! The second blow struck the exact same spot as the belt wrapped around my right cheek and stung my hip. I had no time to recover from the second blow, when a third came, and then a fourth. I felt the tears push through the back of my eyeballs and spill out onto the bedspread. WHAP! I reached back with my right hand to protect myself from the assault.

"Move your hand, Sugar. You know the rules."

"Wait, wait, wait, WAIT!"

"Wait for what? You wanted a demonstration of the consequences of disobeying me," WHAP! "You're going to do what you want to do regardless of my word?" WHAP! "Possibly getting caught and winding up in a jail cell," WHAP! "compromising the integrity of our ministry," WHAP! "maybe having to hire a lawyer to keep you out of a foreign prison system," WHAP! "possibly starting a new habit that's going to compromise your health," WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

I was panicking now. There was only one way out of this, and that was to run. I lifted my knee up onto the bed and began to furiously crawl across the king sized mattress toward freedom... until I felt a strong hand wrap around my ankle and pull me back. I watched helplessly as my nails dragged along the bedspread. A strong arm wrapped around my waist and lifted me back in place.

"Oh no you don't. We're not done."

"Baby, Please! I didn't think..."

"No, you didn't think." WHAP! "You wanna smoke? I'LL MAKE YOUR BUT SMOKE!"  WHAP!  My butt was indeed on fire. My cheeks were being set ablaze by a branding iron, and there was nothing I could do about it. I reached for a pillow and shoved my face into it. I heard myself screaming. My head was spinning as I pounded the mattress with my fist. I lifted my head and shrieked several expletives that I hadn't used in years.

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

I couldn't take it any more. My arms buckled, and I collapsed on the bed. I was hyper-ventilating as though I had just run a marathon. He lifted me up again to continue, and I started to sob uncontrollably. WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

Suddenly it stopped and the silence was almost deafening. I waited for permission to move while he waited for me to calm down.

After a coupple of minutes, he said, "Okay, you can get up now."

Trembling, I reached back and gently touched a horrible tender swelling on my backside as BabyMan sat down on the bed beside me. I lifted my head from the tear and sweat soaked pillow, stood up and hobbled over to the bathroom to examine myself. There it was. I stood horrified as three large black and blue marks began to form on my right butt cheek right before my eyes.  BabyMan walked in behind me and caught a glimpse of my mark of distinction, and a long whistle escaped his lips.

"Look what you did to me, you lunatic!" I snapped. "That wasn't a spanking, that was a whipping, and you know it!" I whined. "Do you have any idea how..." When I looked at his face I noticed a hint of a grin at the corners of his mouth. "What the hell is so damned funny?" I snapped.

"You are," he sighed. "You thought I was too much of a wimp to use this thing," he slapped the belt in his hand.  "And you thought smoking some weed would be worth a wimpy spanking.  Am I close?"

My mouth fell open.  "How... I... you... "  I looked to the devil for some answers.  The little bitch  had conveniently disappeared from my shoulder.  "How did you know?" I mumbled.

"Give me some credit, will ya? I took it easy on you earlier because I knew you were feeling bad, and it wasn't necessary to blister you to make my point. And just to make it clear, that was just a sample of what would happen if you disobeyed me on this subject. A punishment would be worse.  A lot worse."

We both stared at my bruise in the mirror for the next couple of minutes in silence. "Still want that weed, Babe?"

"Noooo," I moaned.

"Good!" BabyMan perked up cheerfully and slapped me hard on my bruise. "I'm hungry. Let's go to lunch."